Tarian Alpha (New Tarian Pride Book 1) Read online

  “You know, I have all these bad memories of living here,” Em said softly. “They overshadowed the good ones. Do you remember how many cubs the Pride used to have?”

  “A lot. We had some fun days out here,” Ronin murmured low as a myriad of memories of play-dates drifted across his mind. Emerald was there for several of them.

  “The Pride was awful to outsiders and submissives, but it had good parts, too,” she said forgivingly.

  “I have an admission, one I’ve never told anyone.” He could see her look up at him out of his peripheral, but he couldn’t look in her eyes when he said this. He would chicken out. “Those few good parts of the Pride? I want those to outnumber the bad someday. And I want to be the one to make it happen.”

  “Even if it means killing off the Old Tarian Pride completely?”

  Ronin nodded. “Even so. I would carry all of that blood on my soul if I could fix us.”

  “When I saw you beating that lion last night, I thought you were a killer.”

  “I am.”

  “No. You are just a man who sticks up for what is right, no matter the cost, no matter the consequences, no matter what. Killers take life for fun.”

  Ronin let her see the devil in his smile as he promised, “Cassius will be fun.”

  Em’s eyes went shocked and round. “What?”

  Ronin strode toward the merry-go-round, bag of food swinging in his hand. “Stop thinking nice things about me, Em. Your faith in me won’t change what I am.”

  Chapter Eight

  “My butt is frozen,” Emerald said with a laugh. The cold metal of the merry-go-round was no joke. Her cheeks were numb.

  Ronin laughed and shrugged out of his jacket from where he sat across from her.

  “Wait, what are you doing?”

  “I should’ve brought a blanket. I thought the benches would still be here.”

  “You’ll freeze without your coat.”

  Ronin made a soft click behind his teeth and told her to, “Lift up.”

  Shocked at his sweet manners, she lifted off the gently spinning merry-go-round and let him tuck his jacket under her. “That…” She cleared her throat. “But you’re a Tarian lion.”

  Ronin snorted. “I don’t think you mean that as a compliment. You could just say ‘thank you.’”

  She belted out a laugh and nodded, her cheeks heating with embarrassment. “Thank you.”

  Finished tucking his coat under her, he locked his arms on either side of her hips and grinned. “I only brought enough food for me, so there you go. There’s the rude-ass Tarian in me.”

  Scoffing, she dropped her mouth open. “I knew it.”

  Ronin snorted and started to ease away, but Emerald cupped his cheeks fast. His beard was so soft she couldn’t help wanting to touch it. To touch him. He froze, and the laughter left his eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Ronin searched her face as he murmured, “Lie.”

  “Yeah, that was a lie. I like to pet you.” Emerald grinned big, and the chuckle that Ronin gave warmed her soul.

  He pushed forward and rubbed his cheek against hers, and God, it felt so good to be greeted like that. It was a lion’s way of showing affection, and he was doing it as a man. Easing back, he rubbed his face against the other side, the side Cassius had hit, and she uttered a helpless sound.

  “Did I hurt you?” he rumbled.

  “No, it feels so good.” Could he hear her pounding heartbeat? “I wish we lived in a different world.”

  Ronin sat back on his bent knees, resting his strong hands on her thighs. “What do you mean?”

  “Today is my pairing day.” She couldn’t meet his gaze even if she tried. “And it’s all wrong.”

  Ronin lifted her chin. “You’re breaking the rules. No thinking about what will happen. You’re safe.”

  For now. It would probably be better if she’d never felt this at all—this connection with Ronin. It was addictive.

  “Then can I tell you whatever I want? For the next…” She checked her phone screen. It was full of messages from Derek cussing her out. She did her best to ignore that part and look at the time. “Two hours and fifteen minutes?”

  Ronin sighed and rested the top of his head against her neck, forcing her to look up at the gray storm clouds above. Affectionate man. He was even better than she remembered. His touch made her steady.

  “For the next two hours and fifteen minutes, you can tell me anything. And then we have work to do.”

  She didn’t understand that last part. Running her hands through his hair, scratching his scalp slightly with her nails, she said, “I know we barely know each other. I have what I learned about you as a cub and what I’ve learned about you in the last day, but that’s all. But inside, I feel happy when you touch me, look at me, or when I think of you. And I’m going to hold onto these three hours for always, just so you know. It’ll be a good memory, like when you protected me here on this playground. If this was a different world, I would let myself have a crush on you, and want you to take me to a movie. And kiss me. And sleep beside me. And for us to learn every single thing about each other, good and bad.”

  A growl rattled his throat and Ronin backed away. “Rules, Em.”

  “You won’t hurt me if I break them.” Not like Cassius.

  The woods spun slowly around them. The merry-go-round was easy at turning, and the wind kept them moving. He stared off into the world, turning around them, while they sat still. “The Pride is finding me a mate.”

  Oh, what those words did to her heart. They physically hurt. “Why?”

  “Because we need allies. And a pairing secures them.”

  She blinked hard and stared at the paper bag of food. “Okay.”

  She gritted her teeth against jealousy because she had no right to it. Instead, she forced a smile and began to remove the wrapped sandwiches from the bag.

  “Just okay?” he asked.

  “It’s fine. I have no right to have any feelings about who you pair up with.” A wave of bitter envy washed through her, and a snarl rattled her throat. Emerald gasped and clamped her hands over her mouth. “I’m sorry. My lioness doesn’t to that.”

  “She doesn’t growl?”

  “No. Never. Not even when I Change. She just crawls around on her belly and cowers a lot. She doesn’t even hiss!”

  Another growl tickled her chest. Oh, dear goodness, this was mortifying. She rambled, “The one time I need to be an emotionless girl, and the animal does this.”

  “An emotionless girl? That’s not you.”

  “Yes it is!” Okay, she was panicking. “I think you should take your jacket back.”

  Ronin canted his head and narrowed his eyes, and why was he smiling? “You like me.”

  “No. No, no, no, you are just a boy. From my childhood. Whom I can’t have a crush on.” Walls up, woman! “Who I thought kindly of, but I’m promised to someone else—”

  “Who’s an abusive asshole.”

  “And you’re promised to someone else—”

  “Not yet. Not technically. The Pride is just looking at applications.”

  Emerald’s mouth flopped open and she scoffed. “Oh, you’re going to let them choose who you end up with for the rest of your life? That’s great. I hope she’s super duper nice—”

  “Yeah, that’s what I told them. Except without the ‘super duper’ added in there,” he murmured, his eyes narrowing with suspicion. Oh yeah, he was definitely starting to figure out she was turning into a lunatic!

  “Don’t invite me to your wedding,” she demanded sarcastically.

  “Oh…my…God.”

  “Why are you smiling like that?” she shrieked like a psychopath.

  “Because this is fuckin’ awesome. Keep going. Jealousy looks hot on you.”

  She meant to flip him off, but her hands got stuck in her jacket pockets. “I don’t need this—this—”

  “Insanity?”

  “Stop. Smiling!”
she yelped, struggling to exit the merry-go-round. She fell. Yep. She totally busted it, slipped on the metal edge, and went down hard in the snow. And how did she react? She didn’t. She laid there in the snow looking up at the sky like a frozen starfish.

  Ronin’s stupid, sexy, grinning face appeared over her. “Sooo…do you want to bone now, or…?”

  “This isn’t funny,” she muttered, covering her burning cheeks. “You turned me into a crazy person.”

  “Good dick’ll do that.”

  “Ronin,” she snarled.

  “It’s good. Trust me.”

  Emerald bit her bottom lip hard to hide her smile because this man did not need encouragement. She grabbed a handful of snow beside her and blasted it up into his face. He was laughing as he shook the frozen stuff out of his hair. Laughing!

  “Oh, yeah, this is hilarious. You’re gonna pair up with someone you’ve never met and I’m marrying the dude who split my lip first meeting, so laugh it up, Chuckles! Our lives are so entertaining.”

  “I mean…it’s a little funny, Sweet Kitty.”

  “Don’t call me that. I’m changing. I’m mean and terrifying now. I growled. Listen! I’m still growling.”

  He hopped off the merry-go-round and landed right beside her in the snow. “All I hear is purring.”

  “It’s not a purr. You make me furious. I’m growling.”

  His eyes sparked goldish-green. “I could make you purr.”

  “Eeep!” Emerald covered her face with her hands to hide from him. “Dirty.”

  “Not me. I’m a gentleman.”

  “I’m pretty sure gentlemen don’t bite a girl’s neck the first time they meet them.”

  Ronin tugged her hand away from her face and pulled her to her feet so fast her stomach dipped like she was on a roller coaster. Whoa.

  “Make a fist.”

  “What?”

  “Come on.” Ronin held his clenched hands up to his face and said it again. “Make a fist.”

  “I’m not going to fight you.”

  “You will fight someone at some point, Em. I want you to know how to throw a punch.”

  “But…I’m not a fighter.”

  He raised his eyebrows in warning and shook his head. “Wrong attitude.”

  Emerald clenched her hands at her sides. She did this. She got embarrassed around men like Ronin. Strong, to-the-point, dominant, confident men. Sometimes they swallowed up everything that made Emerald…Emerald.

  “You’re blushing. Why? Anger?” he asked.

  “No.” She clenched her teeth and held up her fists. “I get shy. And I don’t like making mistakes.”

  “Tuck your thumb, and hold that hand a little closer to your face. Cassius is right-handed. Protect that left side a little more.”

  “How do you know he’s right-handed?” she asked making the adjustments.

  He reached forward and tucked her thumbs around her fists better. “The left side of your face looked like hamburger until an hour ago. That’s his dominant hand.”

  “Oh.” Emerald frowned. “I should’ve known that.”

  Ronin threw a fake jab. “Good. You dodged it.”

  “It’s not very gentlemanly to throw punches at a girl who just got hurt less than a day ago.”

  “This life moves on, Em. Learn that fast. What happened yesterday is the past. Learn from it but don’t let it stunt you.” When he took another jab, she blocked him. “Good. Now punch my hands. Put force behind each hit. I want you confident before you see any of the Old Tarian Pride again.”

  She swung, and her knuckles made contact with his open palm. The sound of it reminded her of last night when Ronin had been beating that man who’d hurt Rose. “You don’t like when men hurt women, do you?” she asked, hitting him again.

  “No. It feeds a fire in me.” He showed her how to put her weight behind a swing and told her, “Harder.”

  She pelted him for a few minutes, careful to mind his instructions because he was giving her a gift. If he couldn’t be around to make her safe, he was giving her a little weapon. A way to defend herself when her lioness wouldn’t. Good man.

  He spun her and wrapped his hand around her throat. “If anyone grabs you from behind,” he rattled into her ear, “you throw an elbow straight back.” He drew her arm straight back, showing her. “If your lioness won’t help you in a fight, don’t Change, find a weapon, fight dirty. I don’t give a fuck about honor if you’re being attacked.” He spun her back and gripped the back of her hair, easing her face back gently. “Protect your throat at all costs.”

  Those words echoed over and over in her head. Protect your throat at all costs. She wasn’t invisible to Ronin. He cared. Even when she wasn’t around, she had a feeling he would still care.

  She lifted up on her toes suddenly and pressed her lips against his. It happened fast. Just a little smack, and she lowered back down, just as shocked as Ronin looked.

  “Why did you do that?” Ronin looked so stunned. Powerful legs splayed, eyes fierce, hair mussed, a foreground for the snowy winter woods. He took up so much more space than a man should. He was everywhere.

  “I…I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head slowly. “Don’t ever apologize unless you do something wrong.”

  “But I thought—”

  Ronin closed the two feet of space between them and gripped the back of her neck as his lips crashed onto hers. She should’ve felt trapped, but she didn’t. Instead, she felt enveloped, warm, and steady. The slight pressure of his mouth on hers erased the rest of the world. In this moment, only she and Ronin existed. There was no fear, no problems to solve, nothing. There was just the taste and the feel of his body. Getting lost in him, she slid her hands up his stomach, over the mounds of his abs, to his stone-hard chest. Every part of his body was tense except for his lips. Those moved against hers smoothly. Up, up she slid her hands, memorizing his body through the material of his sweater. Ronin grabbed her hand suddenly and dragged it to the hem of his pants, under his shirt, and then pressed her palm against his stomach. He moaned against her lips as she drew a small circle with her thumb on his warm skin, right over his belt buckle.

  As she ghosted her fingertips right along the edge of his underwear, Ronin dragged her closer. She parted her lips for him. God, it had been so long since she’d kissed anyone. But this wasn’t nerve-racking. It wasn’t something she’d had time to overthink, and he was in such control, she was just along for the ride. He slanted his head to the other side and pressed his tongue into her mouth. Oh, the taste of him. Her head was swimming with happiness. She’d never been more turned on so quickly. Carefully, she pushed her fingertips into his jeans and felt the head of his swollen cock. There was a bead of moisture at the tip, and she felt like she was losing her mind with lust. Maybe her lioness was going into heat or something. Or maybe Ronin was just that sexy. So enthralling and all-encompassing that her body couldn’t resist him.

  His fingers dug into her hip, and his thumb stroked her cheek as he kissed her. When she brushed the head of his dick again, he groaned and rocked his hips toward her. Ronin scooped her up suddenly and sat on the merry-go-round, settling her on his lap. He cupped her cheeks and slowed the kiss. His tongue went shallow into her mouth as if he was tasting her. His affections turned to fingertips in her hair and then knuckles dragging down the arm of her jacket. His lips stayed on her, breaking only to change angles. She got to know the exact way he liked to make-out because he took his time. He didn’t rush, didn’t push, but slowed them down instead. He dropped them right in the moment and allowed them to stay there instead of seeing how far they could go.

  Emerald was falling so hard for this man. For his heart, his mind, and his body as well.

  It shouldn’t happen like this—falling. She should’ve toed the cliff for a while and watched to find the safest place to jump. She should’ve observed and found the deepest waters below. She should’ve done this safely.

  But she didn’t.

&nb
sp; Instead, she’d come barreling for the cliff and leapt, not checking if there were rocks below or waves. Not checking how far or short the drop was.

  Was this how it was supposed to happen?

  A heart recognizing a heart as its own?

  A body recognizing a body as its own?

  It was terrifying and exciting all at once.

  Afraid he was cold because he was currently sitting on top of his jacket, she unzipped hers and wrapped the sides around him as best as she could, smashing her chest onto his.

  Ronin smiled against her lips and grabbed her ass under her jacket. His kisses became little sexy smacks until he finally rested his forehead against hers and sighed. “We need to go back to the house.”

  “Noooooo,” she murmured. “Five more minutes.”

  Ronin laughed and hugged her tight. “As much as I would love to spend the next seven to ten days here with you, I have a meeting to call.” He looked up at the sky. “We have about an hour before I need to leave to meet with Cassius.”

  Oh, she hadn’t missed it. He’d said only that he needed to leave. Not both of them. Emerald narrowed her eyes at him. “What are you planning?”

  “Nothing at all,” he said smoothly. Too smoothly.

  “Also, did you just look at the sun to gauge the time? Like Crocodile Dundee?”

  “I learned a lot in my time with the tigers.”

  Utterly impressed, she muttered, “That’s the sexiest thing ever. Any time in the next hour you want to make out some more, just do that again.”

  Ronin snorted. “I set my alarm on my phone. It’s been vibrating in my pocket for the last ten minutes. I just didn’t want to stop kissing you.”

  “Oh.” Emerald giggled. “I’m really gullible around you.”

  “It’s pretty damn cute.” His lips were all curved up in a smile as he stared at her with those bright blue eyes. “You’re really pretty.” He said it fast and then gave this hotboy chuckle at himself and shook his head, cleared his throat. In a softer voice, he told her, “You’re hard to look away from, but it’s more than you just being beautiful, Em. You’re so different from everyone else.”