Lumberjack Werebear (Saw Bears Book 1) Page 9

  Jed’s empty, soulless eyes glared at her in triumph as he reached a giant paw into the cab of the truck.

  She slid as far away as she could, but it wasn’t enough. She was going to die after all. After everything she’d been through, everything she’d lived through, her life was going to end at the claws of a monster.

  A flash of gold blasted across the front window and Jed toppled backward with a furious roar.

  Tagan. He was here, still fighting to add minutes to her life.

  Boneless, she fell out of the opening Jed had ripped into the truck. On wobbly legs, she ran for her trailer. The keys to her Volvo were inside 1010, and she was going to lose precious seconds retrieving them, but it couldn’t be helped.

  The rhythmic breathing of bears dragged her frightened gaze behind her just as she reached the center of the park. She was horrified to realize Tagan and Jed were both racing toward her, Tagan in the lead. She ran faster, her legs threatening to freeze with her fear.

  With a grunt, Tagan knocked her legs out from under her, and she fell forward, nose inches away from the Volvo’s back tires. His eyes were sad as he leaned his big block head toward hers. They seemed to apologize for every wrong that had ever been done.

  She didn’t understand. Jed was coming. Why had Tagan pinned her here in the dirt? “Tagan?” she whispered, terrified.

  He curled his lips back, revealing impossibly long canines. His eyes dipped to the scar Markus had left on her neck with a look of such regret.

  She screamed as Tagan sank his teeth into her shoulder.

  Chapter Ten

  Brooke’s body went rigid, as if she’d been electrified. Pain stabbed down her shoulder, eased, then shot farther, reaching into her chest. Clenching her teeth, she threw her head back and gritted out a groan. She’d never felt pain like this. Tagan had sunk his teeth into her shoulder until he hit bone, but that couldn’t be what was causing her body to seize like this.

  Agony spread through her with inky tendrils, growing bigger and fuller until she was filled with glass edges that shredded her insides to pieces. She cried out as she burned.

  Tears streamed down the corners of her eyes as she clenched her hands against what was happening to her. Tagan watched her with the saddest look she’d ever seen in an animal’s eyes.

  The ground shook as Jed charged, but when Tagan stepped out of the way, the giant gray bear skidded to a stop beside her. His nostrils flared, and his eyes sparked, but he didn’t add to her pain. He didn’t attack. He only stood there, watching and waiting for…something.

  The pain drained from her arms and legs and centered in her middle, writhing like some snake caught in her gut. Her breaths came in short pants, so fast, she thought she’d faint.

  Tagan had done this to her. She was dying, and it was all his fault. “Why?” she rasped out.

  Tagan shook his head slowly and stood over her. Lowering himself to his elbows, the blond bear scooped up her crumpled body and pulled her against his chest. She wished his closeness comforted her now, but she was on fire in the middle. She was burning alive.

  His fur tickled her cheek, and she clutched onto his side, grasping his hide in her clenched fist. The tears came harder as she imagined dying without ever finding out why he’d betrayed her like this.

  The fire burned hotter inside of her, and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed and pressed her face against his wet fur. His heartbeat pounded against her belly.

  No, not his heartbeat. That bum, bum, bum was coming from within her. Now it was growing stronger and faster. This was it. The pain was blinding with each pulse, and she bowed her back when she couldn’t stand it anymore.

  She shattered.

  Grew, broke, reshaped. Red fur shot from her body like a million needles pricking her skin at once. Claws ripped open her hands, and her scream of anguish tapered to a feral-sounding bellow.

  Tagan stumbled backward, and his soft blue eyes went wide as his gaze trailed across her new form. Jed curled his lips once, then meandered off toward the trees.

  She wasn’t dead.

  Looking down at her fur, shining auburn in the clouded light, she huffed a breath. Steam curled from her long muzzle. She heaved herself upward and stood, unsteady, on all fours, legs splayed like a newborn colt. This new body was powerful. She raked her front claws through the dirt, and it tilled the earth as if they’d been made to do just that. Her breath slowed as she dragged her gaze back to Tagan.

  His muzzle was darker than the longer fur that covered his back and legs. His chest rose and fell as he watched her. In size, he was enormous compared to her. From here, she could make out each fine whisker near his nose and hear every beat of his heart. Her senses were overwhelmed with the wet smells of the forest. Evergreen sap, moss, blood, animals, damp dirt…she could identify it all.

  What if she was trapped as a bear forever?

  Dragging a long breath of air, she scrambled backward until her stumped tail hit the park fence. Change back, change back, change back! Closing her eyes, she concentrated on what she used to look like. Long blond hair, champagne-colored eyes, dark lashes, lips a little on the small side… The bear who’d stolen her skin didn’t go away.

  The other men in Tagan’s crew appeared out of the mist like apparitions. They looked as uncertain as Tagan did.

  All but Kellen. Kellen was smiling. “So we can keep her?” he asked.

  The world began spinning, and the lightheadedness only got worse as she tried to take a step forward. Her breathing became shallow, and she closed her eyes against the urge to retch. Her hide went cold under her fur, and her hair stood on end, making her body tingle.

  The horizon went belly up as she swayed and hit the ground.

  The last thing she saw was Tagan charging toward her, just like he had before he’d turned her into a monster.

  ****

  Brooke opened her eyes to gray morning light filtering through the edges of her blackout curtains. Her new senses told her she wasn’t alone in her room, but she was hurt and not in any rush to face the man who’d turned her into what she was now.

  She lifted her hand and stared at the long cut she’d gotten from the processor yesterday. Already, it was almost healed. More proof she wasn’t the same—wasn’t human anymore.

  She clenched her hand into a fist and sighed, then rolled over to face her demons.

  Tagan was sitting in a chair against the wall, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of his mouth, staring at her. He looked like he hadn’t moved in ages. Kellen, Denison, and the others stood and sat in various positions around the room, quiet and somber as she looked at each one in turn.

  “Go on,” Tagan said low. “She’s okay.”

  One by one, they came and touched her knuckles on the hand that had been hurt. None of them said a word, and none of them met her eyes. Then they left her alone with Tagan.

  “I’m not okay,” she said in a hoarse voice.

  “I know. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “You could’ve not bit me.” Her voice wrenched up an octave as fury flooded her veins.

  “Jed was going to kill you. I broke the rules by fighting Connor instead of racing him to Turn you. Jed doesn’t kill his own kind, though. Not anymore. Turning you was the only way I could think to save you.”

  “Where is Connor?”

  “Dead.”

  “You killed him?”

  He swallowed hard and looked away toward the window. In a choked voice, he said, “Yes. I couldn’t kill my alpha, though. It took all I had just to fight Jed off you.” His voice hitched as he dragged his tortured gaze back to her. “This isn’t the life I wanted for you, Brooke. For us. I wanted you to have a choice about it.”

  “A choice about it? You marked me just like Markus did, but worse. You put a bear inside of me.” She swallowed a sob and jerked her eyes to Tagan’s feet with the admission that came from her mouth. “You should’ve let him kill me.”

  Tagan’s face crumpled, a
nd moisture that had rimmed his eyes fell down his cheeks. He looked ill as he covered his mouth and shook his head slowly. “Don’t say that.” His voice came out a whisper.

  She couldn’t watch him cry. It gutted her, knowing he was hurting, too. She sat up and forced the demand from her lips. “Tell me about what I am.”

  Tagan sniffed and leaned back in the chair, straightened one leg and stared at the toe of his work boot. “You’re a bear shifter now. With practice, you’ll be able to shift as often as you want—”

  “I don’t want that. How often do I have to shift?”

  “Once a month at least.” He lifted his eyes back to hers. “You’re asking this because you’re leaving, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.” She gasped and tried not to cry at the way her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest with the word. She didn’t want to leave him. Didn’t want to leave this place or the crew. She wasn’t done healing yet. “I came here to get better, and now I’m…” She bit her lip and wished she was good with words. Good at making him understand they wouldn’t work if she stayed and didn’t deal with this away from here. “If I stay, I won’t get better. I won’t forgive you, and I want to. This place is amazing. It’s suited for what I am now. But I wanted to come out here to get stronger, and I can’t depend on you to lift me up with this. I need to get to know the animal inside of me without you dragging me up the mountain of issues I have. I need to do this on my own.”

  “I understand.” He said the words, but his eyes looked just as betrayed as she felt right now. “When?”

  She stared at him for moments, gathering her strength so her voice wouldn’t crack. “Today.”

  His face fell, and he stood. Wiping his face on the shoulder of his shirt, he strode to the door. At the frame, he turned and murmured over his shoulder, “I’m sorry.” Then he left.

  Curled in a ball on the bed, she cried for a long time. Cried for the humanity she’d lost, cried for the half-healed scars Markus had left on her heart, cried for the new ones Tagan had given her. She cried because she’d been so close to finding herself again here, only to be transformed into something totally different. She cried at having to start all over again. But most of all, she cried for what she and Tagan could’ve been.

  Damn Jed and Connor. Damn them to hell for the wedge they jammed between her and the man she loved. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

  With her eyes full and her heart broken, she dressed, packed her things, and made the bed. Then she took one last look at the bedroom she’d made into an art studio. Paintings of Markus still littered the floor. She stacked them all neatly into a corner and left them there. She’d miss 1010, this rickety old trailer, but she left the paintings because she wanted this place to remember she’d been here. She wanted to stamp her mark on this little home in the woods, like it had stamped itself into her heart.

  When she dragged her luggage outside, Kellen was waiting for her. He took the suitcase from her hands and packed it into the trunk of the Volvo as the others stood by, looking as sad as she felt. Tagan wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She knew, because she looked for him.

  “He doesn’t like goodbyes,” Kellen said. “He told us not to beg you to stay.” He looked toward Tagan’s trailer, and when Kellen looked back at her, his dark eyes pooled with grief. Without another word, he opened the car door for her and stepped back beside the others.

  She didn’t know what to say. How did she say goodbye to people she cared about so deeply. She’d failed at making Tagan understand, and she would fail with them, too. She took a long, steadying breath and said her deepest wish instead. “I hope this isn’t the last time I see you.”

  “Goodbye, Trouble,” Denison said softly as she sank into the driver’s seat.

  As she pulled away, she watched them through the rearview mirror. Tagan came from his trailer at the last minute, fingers locked behind his head and chin tilted up as he watched her leave. The pain on his face almost doubled her over. She was leaving a piece of her heart in Asheland Mobile Park, and in return for saving her, she was taking a part of his with her.

  She was the worst.

  She had to do this, though. Tagan deserved a strong woman, and perhaps she could be that someday. It wouldn’t happen here, though. Not now. Not with them coddling her the entire way.

  As the trailer park disappeared out of sight, she swore she would forgive him someday.

  But for right now, she had questions only Meredith could answer.

  She had a life and a knot of loose ends to rid herself of.

  Chapter Eleven

  The last three months had been hell.

  Tagan shouldered a log and tossed it up onto the trailer. He didn’t usually show his strength this close to the log buyer, who was human and would be here any minute to check the lumber, but dammit, if he didn’t work out some of his frustration, he wouldn’t sleep tonight. Again.

  Kellen leaned against a tree, head canted as he watched him with the same worried expression he’d worn since the day Brooke left.

  Sweat dripped down Tagan’s face and into his eyes, and he rubbed it clean with the sleeve of his shirt. “What, Second?” he asked, hefting another log.

  “Nothing at all,” Kellen said.

  “Say it and be done with it. I’m tired of you staring at me all the damned time.”

  “You’re going to end up like Jed.”

  “Fuck, man.” Tagan gripped his hips and glared at him. “You think that’s the way to fix this? Compare me to the last asshole alpha?”

  “Not like that, T. Jed was broken because his mate left him to live in town, and he was splitting his time between his crew, and his life with her. Dominants can’t do that. The people your bear needs to protect have to be in one place.”

  “That, and he was an old-timer determined to bury our crew into the ground,” Tagan muttered. “And what do you want me to do about it? Brooke’s gone. Not my choice.”

  “You could bring her back.”

  Tagan pulled his work gloves off and chucked them against the tail-light of the lumber truck. “Kellen, you don’t understand this. She wasn’t my mate. Everything got fucked up before I could ask her.”

  “You mean before you could claim her.”

  “She has to claim me back, man.” The words came out sounding strangled.

  She hadn’t picked him back. Not when it counted. Not when he needed her to tell him it was okay, and that she forgave him. The guilt over Turning her was black water he drowned in every day. And every night, he lay awake, staring at the ceiling of his trailer, wondering how he could’ve done it different.

  Fucking Jed. Fucking Connor. Fucking him for not being strong enough to challenge Jed for alpha when it mattered—when he could’ve saved Brooke from being Turned.

  “I miss her, too,” Kellen said quietly. He approached and placed a white envelope on the end of a log hanging from the truck. “We all do.”

  Tagan watched him lumber away. Kellen had disappeared around a bend in the dirt road before he dared to look at the envelope again.

  There was no name on the return address, but it was from Boulder. With trembling hands, he opened the flap. The paper was thick and elegant, and it seemed almost a shame that his dirty fingers smudged the fine linen stock inside.

  You’re cordially invited to view Stars of Ashe

  Art Show by Renowned Artist Brooke Belle

  June Third from 7 – 10

  It had the address of a studio and a website at the bottom, and across the top were four thin panels with sneak peeks of different paintings. Recognition zinged through him. In the very last panel, a bear stood with his back to the viewer, painted in thick blacks and outlined in neon green chaotic strokes. It looked over its shoulder at the viewer. Tagan staggered backward at the rendered picture of himself on canvas.

  The invitation fell into the dirt in front of him as he knelt down and scrubbed his hands over his face to stifle the pain in his heart. To stifle the joy at the id
ea that she still thought of him, and the hope that she’d sent him this invitation because she wanted to see him again. His mixed emotions crashed over him like an avalanche.

  Two days. He had two days to get his shit together and get his mate back. To do whatever she needed. He’d beg her forgiveness if she’d give him the time.

  Tagan inhaled a long, shaky breath and looked over at his reflection in the dusty hubcap of the truck. The three month beard would have to go, and even he could see the sadness in his eyes now, but maybe she’d understand.

  He tore his gaze away from the reflection of his broken self. This could hurt him. If this was just an invitation to see her for an hour, then say goodbye forever, going to Boulder could destroy him. He’d be a worse alpha than Jed when he returned to his crew. It was a risk.

  He drew his gaze to where Kellen had disappeared behind the trees. They deserved better than this.

  His crew was broken without her.

  He was a broken alpha without her.

  Tagan owed it to his men, and to himself, to try to bring Brooke home.

  ****

  “I’m nervous,” Brooke admitted to Meredith as her mentor pulled her toward another group looking at her painting titled Cut. All of the paintings were darker than she used to do, built up with blacks and dark grays until the canvases were thick with paint and chaotic brush strokes, but her starscapes had come back. Now, her wooded areas just had a few extras. This painting had the processor Connor had worked, with a full moon above and the bright stars she was known for smattered across the top half of the oversize painting.

  “Why are you nervous? All of your paintings have already sold. And if it’s the critics you’re worried about—”

  “No, it’s not that. I’m worried Tagan won’t come.”

  Meredith pulled her to a stop and hugged her tight. She smelled like perfume and animal, though the humans around them would never smell or suspect the latter. Brooke’s heightened sense of smell had been an adjustment.

  “I know my boy, and I know how he feels about you. He’ll be here,” Meredith promised.