Heart of the Bear Read online

  “I want you back.”

  Her words bucked him backward like she’d slapped him through the phone. “What?”

  “I’m ready to come home and put our family back together. It’s why I wanted Jonathan to come stay with me—to bond with me. I wanted to ease back into a life with you, and I knew you’d never trust me again if I didn’t earn Jonathan’s respect.”

  “You don’t,” Jesse said, shaking his head in denial. “You don’t want me. You want the idea of me. You want someone pining over you—a plan B you can go back to if your current situation doesn’t work out. I don’t want to be anyone’s plan B anymore. I’m with Rae, and it’s a big deal for me. Don’t come back into my life and fuck with my head just because you heard I’m finally moving on.”

  Miranda sniffled into the phone. “I love you, Jesse. I always have.”

  Memories of their fights came flooding back. She’d been awful.

  I hate you Jesse.

  You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me Jesse.

  I’m stuck with a part of you inside of me Jesse.

  I never wanted a child with a man like you Jesse.

  Miranda didn’t know what love was. Not now, not ever.

  “Bring my son back,” he said through clenched teeth, then hung up the phone.

  ****

  Today had been the best day of Rae’s life.

  She’d gone from despair and insecurity to having Jesse ask her to stay. She’d spent the afternoon in his arms, talking and laughing, and growing comfortable with the idea of a new life. Big changes had been needed in her life for so long, she was lucky to have found Hells Canyon. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she belonged. Sure, she’d have to think about a job soon, and it would be a hard decision because Jesse said there weren’t any adoption agencies anywhere around the small town of Joseph. But this place, with its evergreen wilderness, budding friendships, and the man she was growing to love was beginning to feel like home in a way she’d never imagined a place could.

  Jesse had brought some of the food into his room, and they’d still had their picnic, just from the comfort of his plush mattress. He finally pulled her from bed at three in the afternoon and had gone to talk to Ethan about their bond while she showered. The alpha still hadn’t lifted his requirement that she stay in Hells Canyon practically glued to Jesse’s side, but she couldn’t really see a downside to that right now. Her life in Portland seemed so far away.

  Landon had knocked on the door as she was getting ready, and when she stepped outside, her dented up car was parked beside Jesse’s Ford. Landon had told her he found it on the outer rim of the Seven Devils clan territory and handed Rae a folded piece of paper.

  The handwriting on it was scribbled and dark.

  All it said was:

  I’m sorry for everything.

  Shay

  A mixture of anger and sympathy had surged through her. Shay shouldn’t have brought Rae here without any warning of what she was getting into, and she sure as hell shouldn’t have changed into a lioness in the car and tried to maim her. But Jesse had explained about the war with the lions, and now that her people were dead, Shay was all alone. She wasn’t like Breshia or Logan, or the lion cubs Hells Canyon housed. They had a makeshift pride, while Shay was destined to walk this world alone, always hiding what she was.

  Rae had held onto Jesse’s arm a little tighter and thanked God that he’d been born into a bear clan that had been able to adapt to the changing times. He was safe and strong because he had a stable clan and friends to lift him up and give him a purpose.

  Jesse had taken her down the mountain into the town of Joseph. He’d bought her a week’s worth of clothes and other essentials she’d need until Ethan lifted her probation. Now, she had enough to last until she and Jesse could return to her apartment in Portland and decide what to do with her belongings.

  “Rae, are you in here?” Reese called through the opened front door.

  “Yeah, in the kitchen.”

  Reese had dressed in a blue silk blouse and black tights tucked into her hiking boots. The outfit looked eerily similar to the one Rae was wearing, and she laughed when Reese whistled at her. “I’m almost done packing this stuff up, and then I’ll be ready to go.”

  Reese peeked into one of the coolers and her eyes lit up. “Where did you get all this?”

  “Jesse bought enough food to feed the entire clan for a week when he went shopping for a picnic for me. There is no way we can eat this much in the next few days, so I figured I’d bring some of it to your celebration.”

  “Jesse made you a picnic?” Her eyes went wide, and her blond tresses fell over her shoulders as she shook her head. “That is so sweet!”

  “I know,” Rae gushed. “He’s been amazing. Reese, can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot,” she said, pulling out a bag of cold fried green tomatoes from a Snappie’s Café bag.

  “You don’t think I’m crazy for doing this, do you?”

  Reese bit into the tomato and rolled her eyes. “Ith fucking orgathmic,” she said around the mouthful. She gulped and pulled another from the bag. “No, you aren’t crazy. This isn’t like the life you’re used to. The time table isn’t the same. Animals are different in that we know when we’ve met our match.” She frowned. “At least, some of us do. You don’t even realize how lucky you are that you and Jesse bonded. If you’d tried to be together without it, it would be so much harder to build each other up.”

  Rae turned and leaned against the counter, gripping the edge. “He asked me to be his mate.”

  Reese almost choked. “What? Are you serious, Rae? You better not be shitting with me.”

  Laughter bubbled from her throat. “I’m serious as a werebear attack.”

  “Ugh, don’t call us that.”

  “Werebear don’t care.”

  Reese’s eyebrows lifted as she stifled her grin. “Stop it, Rae.”

  “I told him I’d think about it.”

  “That’s huge.” Reese dropped the tomato into the bag and gripped her shoulders. “That’s bigger than huge.”

  “I know. It feels overwhelming when he’s not near me, reassuring me.”

  Reese frowned. “Where is Jesse, anyway? I thought he was supposed to stay glued to you.”

  “He said he had to make a phone call. We’re going to meet up at your party.”

  “All right, well let me help you haul this stuff.” Reese hugged a couple of paper bags full of food to her chest and made her way out the front door.

  Other shifters were streaming onto a thin trail at the tree line, and Rae smiled at a mother with two children bustling around her legs. The hike took ten minutes before they came to a clearing. Thick tufts of swaying summer grasses dotted the ground, and a couple of men were hanging colorful paper lanterns from tree limbs along the edge of the meadow. A giant, hand-painted sign reading Congratulations Ranger Reese in neon letters stretched across two bamboo poles near the back. A pile of sticks and logs was stacked near the middle for what looked like a bonfire, and when Rae scanned the table of foods being organized, Muriel and Samantha waved from behind it.

  She grinned and set the bags down, then began unloading them with Reese.

  “You’re still here,” Muriel observed with a knowing grin. “I was afraid Jesse was taking you away from us this morning.”

  “I thought so, too, but he was just apologizing for last night. Besides, Ethan hasn’t okayed me to leave yet.”

  “Ethan’s a little protective,” Reese said under her breath.

  “I can’t blame him though,” Rae said, looking around at the people talking and setting up together. “I mean, just look at this place. If I told one person, everything here could come to an end. I don’t like feeling trapped in a place, but I get it.”

  Samantha quirked her eyebrow as she lined up three pies beside each other. “You sound like you belong to the Seven Devils clan now, Rae. You’re going to be a right proper little mounta
in woman before you know it.”

  Reese tilted her chin up and winked at Rae, then went back to unloading the bags. Yep, all it took was one word from Rae, and it would be so. If she told Jesse “yes,” she’d be a part of this place, and a trill zinged up her spine at the realization that all of this could be a part of her life if she wanted it.

  “Hey, you,” Jesse said against her ear. From behind, he slid his hands over her hips and kissed her just below the ear.

  Instant heat flooded her cheeks, but the other girls greeted Jesse and didn’t even act like they were being scandalous with their public affection. And on further thought, she shouldn’t feel that way either. If his clan was going to be upset, or even if they weren’t, they’d have to get used to seeing her and Jesse together.

  “I’m stealing my girl for a minute.” His voice sounded strange. More gravelly than usual. “I promise I’ll get her right back here to help, but I need a word.”

  “A word?” Reese asked. “Mmm hmm.”

  Rae’s cheeks were burning, but she couldn’t help the elated smile on her face any more than she could control the weather. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured, taking Jesse’s offered hand.

  He pulled her along a winding trail through the woods, all the way to a felled log covered with moss. When he turned around, his eyes were churning silver.

  Frowning, she touched the short whiskers along his jawline. “What’s wrong?”

  “I have to tell you something, but I don’t feel like now is the right time.”

  “Is it bad? Is it about me?”

  He clasped her hand and pressed it against his cheek, as if he didn’t want her to take it away. “I don’t know. I just feel… Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night? I want to take you out somewhere nice, and I’ll tell you everything.”

  “Jesse Hayes, did you really just pull me out here to tell me you have something to tell me but not until later?”

  “No. I pulled you out here to steady me.”

  Her breath froze in her throat as she realized he was shaking, and his hands were clenched at his side. He was angry.

  She searched his eyes as the silver color clouded over the green until there was none of the happy color left. Standing on tiptoes, she reached around his neck and hugged him close.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered against his neck. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

  He clutched the fabric of her shirt until it lifted in the back and exposed her skin to the cool evening air. A soft rumble rattled from his throat, but she hugged him tighter and rocked back and forth in a slow cadence. “Do you need to change?”

  “No. And when I do, it won’t be around you.”

  “Why?”

  Jesse brushed his fingers down her arm and lifted the bandaged wrist. “Because I can’t trust myself not to hurt you. You can’t heal like the rest of us. Look.” He eased her back, then pulled at the neck of his shirt until he exposed angry, red claw marks across his shoulder. It was already half-healed. Her injury, on the other hand, probably looked like a crime scene and felt like it was stuck to the bandages.

  “You shouldn’t feel bad about this.” Rae pulled him to the fallen tree and sat down. “I don’t regret this mark.”

  “Mark,” he repeated low, as he took a seat beside her.

  “Yes. Your bear marked me the day he chose me. Muriel said it would scar, and I was sad. I don’t have scars. I always took pride in my skin being unblemished. But she said that this flaw would mean something really important to me one day. I didn’t know what she meant, but I’ve been thinking about it all day.” She clutched her injured wrist closer. “Now I love it because you gave it to me. You had to change to fight that bear and protect me and those kids, and this was all I got out of that horrifying experience. I’m alive. Those kids are alive. And now every time I look at this mark, from now until the end of my life, I’ll remember the night you bonded with me.”

  Jesse’s shoulders sagged, and he leaned forward on locked elbows. “Jesus, woman.” He closed his eyes tightly shut, and when he opened them again, they were a brilliant green once again. Plucking her arm from her chest, he kissed the bandage and held her hand in his lap. “I won’t ever hurt you again.”

  “I know you won’t. You wouldn’t have last night if we weren’t handcuffed together. I was just too close. Your bear has protected me twice. He’s saved my life twice. You won’t hurt me, Jesse. Not really. Has that been bothering you?”

  “Yeah. I can’t keep my eyes off the bandage. Sometimes, I start to think you are too fragile for this life I’m asking you to be a part of—that you’re too fragile for me. But then I talk to you, and you are such a strong woman that I change my mind and think I’ve finally met my match.”

  “We’re on quite the roller coaster right now, aren’t we?”

  “You have no idea,” he muttered. “Come here. You deserve a reward for taming my bear.” He pulled her onto his lap and straddled her legs around his hips.

  “Rae the Bear Tamer.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and said, “I like the sound of that.”

  He chuckled and lifted the hem of her shirt. In the same motion, he slid his hand into the front of her tights and pressed his finger inside of her.

  Rae gasped and rocked her hips against his palm. Self-conscious, she looked around to make sure they were alone.

  “Don’t worry, princess. I’ll hear if anyone is coming.”

  His plunging finger already had her straining for release. And when he pulled out and added another finger, she was nearly gone. “Oh,” she moaned, tossing her head back. She maneuvered closer to his hips as he started rocking against the rhythm she was setting. When she lowered her eyes back to him, he was watching her with such focus, she let him see what he was doing to her. Panting, she gripped his hair and shattered around his fingers. She hunched against him in an attempt to keep quiet, whispering his name over and over as the aftershocks pounded through her. Clenching his shirt, she tasted the skin at the base of his neck and grazed her teeth against his tripping pulse.

  And when she finally relaxed her legs and eased back, Jesse wore the most satisfied grin she’d ever seen.

  Chapter Nine

  “Here you go,” Jesse said, handing Rae an oversized sweater.

  The evening had become colder than he’d anticipated, and though she hadn’t asked him for a jacket, he had to do something to stop her shivering.

  Stretching up on her tiptoes, she kissed him, then pulled his sweater over her head. The thing swallowed her and hung down to her knees, but he thought she was the cutest damned thing in it. She didn’t know it yet, but that hoodie was officially hers.

  As he sat in the lawn chair behind her, she sniffed the fabric subtly and allowed him to pull her into his lap. What did it smell like to her? For a human, she sure seemed to use that nose of hers a lot.

  Dinner had been pot-luck picnic leftovers and hot dogs cooked over the open bonfire. Now that it was full-dark, most of the Hells Canyon shifters had gone back down to their homes in Joseph. Some of the Seven Devils clan had gone back to camp as well, but Jesse’s closest friends still lingered.

  Jesse pulled Rae closer against him, his bear instinctively wanting to keep her warm and safe. At first, he’d thought the bond was the worst thing in the world that could’ve happened to him and Rae, but now, he couldn’t imagine life without it—without her. He was already spoiled with the connection to her, depending on her, and letting her into his life, little by little.

  Bron gripped his shoulder as Rae was talking animatedly about a road trip she’d taken with her mom to Boston in the fall, and he had to consciously pry his attention away from her. He wanted to know everything about her. Every detail including how happy her childhood had been.

  “I still can’t believe Jesse Hayes has bonded.” Bron squatted down next to his chair and handed him a cold bear. He clinked his bottle against Jesse’s and grinned. “And with a human, no less.”

  Bron, out of
everyone, would understand the strain that came with that. He and Samantha had been separated for years because of being from two different worlds. Bron nodded, and his bright eyes grew serious. “I’m happy for you. You did right by not pushing her away like I did with Sam. You saved both of you a lot of years of heartache by seeing your connection to her for what it is.”

  Rae had gone quiet and leaned back against Jesse’s shoulder, listening.

  “So, you don’t mind that I’m not a bear?” she asked.

  “No, not me,” Bron said. “My mate was human once. The heart wants what the heart wants, but it’s not me you have to convince. My cousin over there is a harder sell.” He jerked his chin toward Ethan and winked at her.

  “No, he’s not. Ethan’s a total teddy bear,” Reese said, draping her arms over her mate’s shoulders as he sipped his beer.

  The firelight threw a flickering glow across Reese’s smiling face, but Ethan watched Rae with an unreadable expression. Jesse had seen that a million times, that calculating look. He hadn’t accepted his pairing with Rae.

  Rae dropped her gaze, as if she had the same instincts the rest of them did around Ethan, and a soft snarl came from behind Jesse’s sternum. He didn’t want her cowed, and he sure as shit didn’t want his best friend giving her grief. “She’s been through a lot in the last couple of days, Ethan. Cut her some slack, will ya?”

  “Yeah, man,” Dillon said from across the fire. “You’re being kind of a dick.”

  “Not a dick,” Ethan responded in a deep, gravelly voice. “Worried about my friend is all.”

  “Here’s the problem with that,” Jesse snapped. “When Reese came into your life, what did I do?”

  Ethan looked away and took another draw of his beer.

  “What did I do?” Jesse repeated louder.

  “You supported me,” Ethan gritted out, his eyes dipping to their inhuman color. Jesse should’ve cared, but he didn’t. Not when Ethan was crossing the line like this.