Red Havoc Rebel Read online

  “I wish you would tell me now, and let’s get the claiming ceremony over with.”

  “Get it over with,” she repeated sadly.

  “No romance, Kaylee. If you’re a woman who needs that, you’re weak. You won’t find that with me, and when I put a lioness in you, you won’t need that attention ever again. You’ll be stronger. The need for romantic gestures is a human thing.”

  He was wrong, though. Anson had been fine making romantic gestures, even when they were teens trying to muck their way through senior year. Perhaps it was a lion thing to not need care or affection, but no. That didn’t make sense either. Bentley loved hugging on her. He sat in her lap at dinner any time she allowed just so he could snuggle her, and still, he asked her every night to hug him to sleep. Was the pride where she wanted to raise him? He would be a dominant Dunn lion someday, and she understood the need for him to be mentally strong for the difficult life he would endure. But Arden’s eyes were dead, with no feeling. His tone was as cold as ice. Did she want him to be the role model for her son? Did she really want Bentley growing up so strong he was shut down emotionally? Did she want him to see the lovelessness between her and Arden and think that’s what he had to settle for when he began making his own pride?

  “Three days,” she negotiated. “Give me three days, and I’ll have an answer for you either way.”

  “Kaylee,” Arden warned, the word a growl.

  “I’m human, Arden, and I’m careful about big decisions. And this is a huge decision.”

  “I want the boy. You need a pride to protect him because, believe me Kaylee, if Noah Dunn decides to come back for him, you won’t be a part of Bentley’s life. He can take him deep into the Dunn pride, and your boy will be unreachable. I can claim him as Cold Mountain Pride, and the both of you will be safe.” He ran his hands down his jaw in a frustrated gesture. “I’ve wanted a cub for years. I want this. I need this.”

  Kaylee crossed her arms over her chest to ward off the chill that raised gooseflesh across her arms. “Then you’ll give me three days, no pressure. And I swear by sunset on the third day, I’ll have your answer.”

  Arden clenched his fists at his side and gritted his teeth so hard the muscles in his jaw jumped. “Fine,” he gritted out. “Three days, Kaylee. But know this. To me, you’re already mine, and that boy is mine, too. Leave Anson alone, or you’ll force me into war with Red Havoc.” His fiery gaze lingered on her for a moment before he snarled up his lip in a feral expression and stalked out of the bar. His pride followed, and then Kaylee was left there, her heart hurting, her thoughts racing, and the emptiness in her middle yawning open like a black, bottomless cavern.

  All she wanted to do was call Anson and ask him to come back. To talk her through this and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted him to hug her like he had that day in the park when they were kids. She wanted him to help her forget everything for a while, just like when he’d danced with her tonight.

  But pulling him in closer would ignite some kind of war she didn’t understand. A battle of the big cats, lions versus panthers, and she couldn’t be the bullet that started the war.

  After everything, Anson deserved better than for her to hurt him and the people he cared about again.

  Chapter Eight

  Two days down.

  Kaylee had been counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds, and now here she was, lying in bed before dawn even broke the horizon, unable to sleep, and unable to think about anything else other than this sense of impending doom hanging over her. It was like a thick fog she couldn’t rid herself of. She just couldn’t figure out if the unsettled feeling came from the thought of declining Arden’s proposal, or accepting.

  By tonight she promised him an answer, but she was still just as undecided as the night she’d met Arden.

  Her head said do the smart thing for Bentley.

  But her heart whispered Anson.

  Everything was so messed up, and all she wanted to do was find out where Anson lived, visit him, and apologize. Again. He’d given her a couple of hours of freedom. He’d given her a peek at her old self, and now there was something inside of her that was desperate for more of what he could give.

  Selfish. That was the only thought that had kept her from asking around town about where he lived. She was tired of being selfish when it came to him. And Bentley came first, always.

  Something pinged against the window.

  Startled, Kaylee sat up in bed and froze, listening.

  Another ping sounded, this one louder. She kicked out of the heavy blankets and padded across the marble floors to the balcony door. Moving the curtains to the side, she peeked outside.

  Anson was perched on the decorative railing in a white T-shirt that looked blue in the moonlight. His eyes glowed gold, like an animal, and the smile lines were smoothed from his face as if they didn’t exist at all. His hair was mussed on top, and his jeans had holes at the knees. As if he felt the exact instant she saw him, he lifted his eyes to hers, and they were full of heartache. It hurt her chest to see him like this.

  She let the curtain fall and pulled open the doors. Without a word, and because she needed it deep down to her bones, she strode over to him, pulled him off the railing, and snuggled into his chest. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispered.

  “Clearly,” he murmured, but he still slid his arms around her and hugged her tight. “I’m going crazy. I can’t focus at work, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I’m thinking about you constantly, wondering what the fuck happened to attach you to a lion pride. You were so disgusted by what I was, Kaylee, and now you’re dating him? Arden?”

  “Tonight, can we just…be? I’m so confused, and my head and my heart are so messed up. I came back to Covington thinking I knew what I was getting myself into, and now I’m not sure. I just want a break, Anson. My head needs a break.”

  “Are you asking me to make you forget?”

  She knew it wasn’t fair, but standing here in his arms against his strong chest, absorbing his warmth, she felt reckless to be even closer.

  She was too cowardly to say it to his face, so she stared at the faint shadow between his defined pecs that pressed against his T-shirt when she admitted in a whisper, “I missed you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I miss me. I was my favorite version of myself when I was with you. I haven’t been able to find that girl again.”

  Anson brushed her hair back from her cheek and rested his hand against the side of her neck. With his thumb, he pushed her chin up until she met his gaze. “You won’t find that girl you used to be with Arden.”

  “I know. But you don’t understa—”

  Anson’s lips collided with hers. This was the shutdown. This was to get her to be quiet, but she didn’t care. He was giving her what she’d asked for—a break from her thoughts. So Kaylee closed her eyes and got lost in the kiss. She got lost in the feel of his hand on her neck, the other gripping her waist as if he never wanted to let go. She got lost in the taste of his tongue as it brushed against hers, harder and harder. He backed her against the wall and ground his hips against hers, and already she could feel his erection hitting her just right. God, that first thrust felt so good, and they still had their clothes on.

  Desperately, she pushed the hem of his shirt upward. He eased back and helped her with one hand, ripped it over his head, and threw it on the ground, and then he was back on her, both hands cupping her cheeks, holding her in place against the cold stone wall at her back. She liked being trapped by him.

  There was a deep, rattling sound in his throat, but it wasn’t like the growls she’d heard him make before. This one sounded happy. It sounded satisfied. She smiled against his lips when she realized he was purring. His hands slid up her sleep shirt and gripped her ribs. He brushed his thumbs underneath her breasts. Her legs buckled and she moaned, arching her head back to let him work his kisses to her throat. He sucked hard. Harder. Harder as he ground his hips against
her again. His movements became harsher and faster. He ripped her shirt over her head and pressed his chest against hers, nearly stealing her breath as he crushed her against the wall. He grabbed her hands and lifted them above her head, and she could feel the defined mounds of his abs flexing against her as he rocked against her waist.

  This was so effing hot, she was completely at his mercy. “Please,” she huffed on a breath as he nipped her neck.

  There was no hesitation. Anson simply released one of her hands from above her head and slid his hand down the front of her panties. She was already wet from what he’d been doing to her body, and he shuddered when he ran his fingers down her folds. He pushed two fingers inside of her, deep, and she closed her eyes just to feel his touch.

  After Anson pulled his fingers out, there was an immediate soft ripping sound, and then the breeze turned harsh against her bare hips as the tattered fabric of her panties joined the pile with their shirts. Urgently, she fumbled with his jeans, unfastened the button, and pulled the zipper downward in a rush. And the second she was able, she shoved his pants down his hips and jumped for him. He was ready, caught her as she wrapped her legs around him. He was right there, his long, thick shaft swollen and ready and pressed against her. He was kissing her again, biting her bottom lip every third stroke of his tongue. And this was everything. She could barely breathe since her ribs were being crushed, but she couldn’t find it in her to care right now. Anson eased back and then slid into her, slowly the first time, filling her, stretching her until he was buried deep inside. Sooo deep. Her entire body was shaking with how good it felt. It was one of those mind-blowing sensations that made her wonder how she’d gone all this time not connected to him in this way.

  And then Anson bit her lip hard, pulled back, and slammed into her. Oh, he was done being gentle. He bucked into her harder and faster until she was fighting to stay quiet, fighting not to scream his name and wake everyone in the house. So fucking close. He knew exactly how she liked it. He still had her hand pinned above her head and his other arm wrapped around her back, keeping her in place as he thrust into her. His abs flexed against her soft stomach, and every muscle in his body was rigid as he worked her closer and closer to climax.

  “Anson,” she whispered, wishing she could yell it. “I’m close, I’m close!”

  “I’m there, too. Fuuuck!” he snarled, slamming into her.

  Release throbbed through her body, gripping him where he pummeled her. Felt so good. Felt like nothing ever had. She clawed her nails on the back of his neck, and a loud snarl rattled his throat as he pushed into her and froze for a moment. Heat pulsed into her, and he jerked back and slammed into her again. More heat, and more, until it was trickling down her thighs. Until he was empty and she was full, and this right here, this connection, their releases felt like shedding the bad.

  It felt like forgiveness.

  With a huff of breath, Anson lowered his face to her neck and relaxed against her. He pulled her off the wall and just held her, just stayed buried in her as she clung to his neck and shook like a leaf from her head to her toes. Love with him had been fast and passionate. It had been exactly what she needed, and now, he was giving her what she needed after. He was stroking her hair, laying sweet kisses one-by-one on her neck, right over where she was pretty sure she was going to have an epic hickey.

  His short whiskers scratched her soft skin, and she leaned into him, desperate to hold onto this moment. The one where they forgot everything but each other. Forgot the past, forgot the future. This moment belonged only to them.

  She didn’t know how long they stood like that, him as strong as a redwood, and her curled around his body, clinging to him like he was a raft in choppy waters. She didn’t know, and she didn’t care. Time didn’t matter with Anson.

  “You’re cold,” he murmured.

  Was she? Kaylee wasn’t shaking from the flood of emotion anymore, but he was rubbing her back as though trying to put warmth into her, and indeed, her arms were covered with gooseflesh.

  “Here,” he murmured, settling her on her feet. He bent, retrieved her shirt, and pulled it over her head in a hurry, then pulled on his own. “I’ll tuck you in.”

  She searched his eyes, which had now faded to blue. “Like you used to.”

  He chuckled and nodded. “Kaylee, that was my favorite year.”

  “Until right before graduation.”

  He dipped his chin once. “Until then.”

  “You told me not to apologize unless it was better than a simple ‘I’m sorry.’”

  Anson led her in through the balcony doors and into the dark room, but he hesitated inside. He dragged his gaze slowly across the room, pausing at the highlights—the bed, the dresser, the closet, the lion tapestry—his expression unreadable. “I never thought I would see the inside of this room again.”

  He was changing the subject off her apology, but she persisted. This was important. “I know saying I’m sorry isn’t enough, so I’ll trust you with something big instead because that’s the scariest thing to do, right? Trust someone with something important, and hope they don’t hurt you with it.”

  “Are you going to tell me why you stopped smiling and dancing?”

  She huffed a laugh and shook her head. “Life did that, Anson. Life away from here wasn’t all roses like I thought it was going to be. I couldn’t wait to get out of this place. I think I took it for granted because I fantasized about all these different places I would see instead. About how it would be, how I would feel, and how I would change and grow. I have to show you something,” she murmured, gathering her courage. “You’ll run, but I owe you an explanation to what happened at the bar the other night. And just so you know, it’ll hurt when you run, but I’m going to show you anyway.”

  Anson frowned. “Okay, Kaylee. Show me.”

  Kaylee took him by the hand because she knew exactly what would happen, and this would be the last time he would allow her to touch him. It was the last moments they would spend together before this…friendship, or whatever they were reigniting, would be over.

  She led him down the hall and pushed open the door of Bentley’s room.

  Her son had kicked out of his covers and was lying sideways on the bed. He was always a wild sleeper.

  In her hand, Anson’s grip tightened painfully, and when she dared a look at his face, shock was completely frozen there. His nostrils flared slightly, and he released her hand. “You have a kid.” His voice sounded odd. It sounded off. Empty. “What is he?”

  She hated that question. He was her baby. “This is Bentley. I had him on a frigid January morning almost six years ago. It was snowing, and I almost didn’t make it to the hospital—”

  “What is he, Kaylee?” Anson asked again.

  “You know what he is.”

  Anson squatted suddenly, rested his elbows on his knees, and scrubbed his hands up and down his jaw. Gold flashed in his eyes. “I want you to say it.”

  Kaylee swallowed hard. “His father is Noah Dunn. Bentley is a lion shifter. His Dunn lineage will make him a brawler. He’s already getting big. He’ll be dominant.” She dragged a shaking breath into her lungs and blinked back the burning sensation in her eyes. She dipped her voice to a whisper as she admitted, “I can’t raise him like he deserves. Not alone. I need help.”

  “Arden?”

  Kaylee was too chicken to admit it out loud, so she nodded instead.

  Anson sat there, butt resting on his heels, hands over his mouth, staring wide-eyed at Bentley. “You should’ve told me before.”

  “Before what?”

  Anson stood and gestured to the door. “Before I just…” His blazing gaze dipped to her legs and back to her face. “Before we— Fuck, Kaylee. I don’t give a crap about lion politics, and even I’ve heard of the Dunn lions. I don’t understand. You condemned me and my family to register against our wills. To have to run back to Texas, back to the woods there. We had no crew, no protection. And the whole time I was aching ov
er losing you. Aching!” He made a pissed off tick sound behind his teeth and spun, left the room. “You’re human. Fuck it. You can’t understand.”

  “I can’t understand what?” she whisper-screamed as she followed him down the hallway toward her room.

  “What you were to me! What you were to me, Kaylee. You can’t understand what you were to me! Fuck!” He rounded on her. “I never got better. You moved on, but I never could. Do you know how awful it is to be bonded to a woman who took your heart?” He clenched his fist in front of her like he was gripping a heart. “You held it, and then you ripped it from my body? And you moved on with a fucking lion shifter. I was an animal, but you went and made a family with a shifter.” His voice was too low, too growly, and his eyes much too bright. Even his canines looked longer.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, reaching for him.

  “Forgiven,” he said flippantly as he angled out of her reach.

  “You’re running. You’re doing exactly what I knew you would do.”

  “No, Kaylee. You don’t know what I’ll do anymore because you don’t know me anymore. I grew up, just like you. I’m different.” He hooked his hands on his hips and stared down the hall in the direction of Bentley’s room. “You’re here to join Arden’s pride, and I just…shit.” He looked completely panicked, eyes wild, chest heaving.

  “You just what?”

  “Slept with you, Kaylee! I just made it worse for me. I’m not running, but I need a minute.”

  “Tell me what to do,” she said, following his retreat to her bedroom. “Help me make a decision that keeps Bentley safe and me happy. There’s no solution, Anson! His life is more important than mine. I can’t raise him in the human world, but now I’m hurting you. Tell me what I should do.”

  Anson shook his head hard, and a snarl rattled from his throat as he flung the balcony doors open. She tried to reach him before he jumped over the railing, but he was so fast he blurred. She ran to the rail and looked over just in time to see him land three stories down with barely any impact on his legs at all. He ripped off his shirt and chucked it into the yard, then pushed his pants down his hips. Right before her eyes, he pitched forward and turned into a panther. The shift was graceful and full of power, unlike the first time she’d seen him, and it hit her. He’d been fighting the Change in the truck all those years ago. He’d been trying to protect her from himself. That’s why it had looked so awful, why she’d heard his bones breaking slowly, and why he’d been stuck in that in-between state with no skin at all for terrifying seconds, keening in pain as she watched in horror.