Bear My Soul Read online

  “You know, you don’t always have to run away,” he gritted out, swinging his gaze to her. “Even if things get tough, sometimes it could be worth it to stick around.”

  “I had a reason for running, Cody.”

  “Which was?”

  It didn’t feel right telling him everything. Not when she didn’t trust him, but she could give him something. “You said her name when we were together.”

  Cody’s eyes flashed, and he leaned back into the chair, studying her. “Whose name?”

  “Sarah’s. You whispered it right at the end.” Mortification burned her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze to the toes of her tennis shoes. “Right when we were finishing. I thought you had been there with me. I know that sounds stupid, but I liked you. It was this instant gravitational pull to you, but you hadn’t really been there with me. You were thinking of her. Of Sarah. I didn’t want to be some woman’s replacement for the night. Obviously, you still loved her. I didn’t run, Cody. I bowed out of a race I couldn’t win.”

  Cody scrubbed his oversize hands down his face, and when he looked at her again, he looked exhausted or devastated, or perhaps both. “Sarah was part of the reason I wanted to talk to you. She was the reason I tried so hard to find you again. You saved me from an awful fate, Rory. I’d bonded to this girl, Sarah, when I was young. Too young maybe, but it wasn’t in my control.”

  “Bonded?”

  “It’s like…it’s like being in love, but harder.”

  “Harder how?”

  “It’s nearly impossible to fall out of that kind of devotion, even if the person you’ve bonded to isn’t healthy for you. All I could see for the longest time was her, and then you came along. One night with you, and everything was clear again. I was able to let her go because of you. I wanted to thank you. In this insane way that I have no power to explain to you, you saved me that night.” Cody shrugged, as if his tight-fitting thermal sweater was growing uncomfortable. “So…thank you, Rory I-Never-Figured-Out-What-Your-Last-Name-Was.”

  She huffed a soft laugh and said, “Dodson. My last name is Dodson.”

  “Dodson,” he repeated in a quiet voice.

  The porch light flipped on, illuminating what was probably a serious case of raccoon eyes and twin mascara rivers running down her cheeks. But above the panic of how zombie-like she must look was the realization that the door was opening.

  “No!” she yelled. Too late.

  Aunt Leona’s eyes went wide as she looked at Rory, then Cody, just as Aaron ran past her legs.

  “Oh dear,” her aunt said as Aaron skidded to a stop with a grin on his face.

  “We’re going to check the mail and look for lizards and fireflies. Is that pizza?”

  Rory had frozen under the avalanche of shock. She’d led Cody—human, untrustworthy Cody—right to her son. She could feel him staring over her shoulder, and her heart lurched at what he must be seeing right now. Platinum blond hair, blue eyes, and dimples that matched his own.

  Aaron’s gaze drifted from her face to just above her shoulder, and his smile faltered. He shrunk back toward Aunt Leona’s legs, then squinted. “Daddy Cody?”

  Shee-yit.

  Rory dared a glance at Cody. The blood had drained from his face entirely, leaving him pale as a phantom, mouth hanging slightly open as his chest heaved against the tight fabric of his sweater. His clear blue eyes shifted to hers in an accusatory glare. “Does he bear my mark?”

  Rory shook her head, baffled. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “This,” he said through clenched teeth. He pulled at the collar of his shirt and exposed a light brown birthmark.

  Her heart pounded, and a tiny shocked sound squelched from her throat. It was bigger than Aaron’s, but the exact same shape. It looked like a strawberry.

  “Rory,” he said as a muscle under his eye twitched, “tell me now.” His eyes had gone wide, and his words quaked.

  “Baby, come here.” She held out her arms as Aaron walked toward her, then cuddled him up in her lap. With a deep inhalation, she pulled back the collar of his blue striped sweater, exposing the miniature mark.

  Cody’s face went utterly blank as he stared at it. Moments dragged on, and Aaron began to fidget.

  The boy turned in her lap and handed Cody the paperclip he was still clutching. “I gave my other one to Aunt Leona, but you can have mine.”

  Life filtered back into Cody’s eyes as he lowered his gaze to the paperclip nestled against Aaron’s tiny palm. “Thank you,” he said on a breath, taking the gift. “What’s your name?” His voice had gone deep and emotional.

  “Aaron Daniel Dodson.” He smiled and snuggled against Rory, wrapping his slender arms around her neck.

  “That’s a fine name. I’m Cody Leland Keller.”

  “Leland?” Aaron asked, his tiny nose scrunched.

  “It’s a family name. My brothers have the same middle names, too. Kind of strange, huh?”

  Aaron nodded. “Are you here to eat some of our pizza?”

  Cody huffed a laugh and shook his head. “I came to speak with Rory—I mean, with your mother.”

  Aaron looked at the pizza box, then back to Cody, and shrugged his shoulders up to his ears. “Will you?”

  Cody shook his head and let off a sigh. “Buddy, I don’t… That’s up to your mom.”

  “I’m off to dinner with the Blue-Haired Ladies,” Aunt Leona announced as she flounced down the steps, purse in hand. “Don’t wait up. We old ladies get wild and crazy on Friday nights.”

  Cody narrowed his eyes at Aunt Leona’s receding back. “Are you the ones who’ve been following me around town all day?”

  Apparently, Aunt Leona didn’t hear him, or didn’t want to, because she didn’t even miss a step as she disappeared into the dark.

  “He’s into sharing,” Rory explained as Aaron opened the box and looked in wide-eyed wonder at the meat lover’s pie. “That’s what they’ve been learning at preschool. And he’s really very sweet about it. I guess what I’m saying is, we would love for you to eat with us.”

  “Yeah, you look like you could eat a whole pizza by yourself, Daddy Cody!”

  “Aaron,” Rory warned, shaking her head. “I think you should just call him Cody. That might make him more comfortable.”

  Aaron’s face fell. “Why?”

  Cody gave the boy a troubled look and rubbed his hand roughly through his cropped, blond hair. “You have him in preschool? The public kind?”

  “Of course. He’s five. He’ll be in kindergarten next year, and he needed to learn how to mind his teachers, stand in lines, share, and work well with the other kids. Plus, I have to work for both of us. He goes to school while I work.”

  He frowned at the back of her son’s head as Aaron made his way down to the walkway, pizza slice in hand. “Has he Changed yet?”

  Warning bells slammed against the inside of her head as she froze. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said carefully.

  “Yeah, you do, or you wouldn’t have been asking me about my supernatural family history.”

  Instead of answering, she crossed her arms over her stomach and watched Aaron move tufts of bushes aside, probably in search of the lizards Aunt Leona had told him about.

  “Look at me,” Cody said in a soft, deep voice.

  She slid her gaze to him and gasped. His eyes were the same muddy, golden green that Aaron’s turned to when he was upset, or on the verge of a Change.

  He held her in his feral gaze. “When?”

  Her breath trembled as she struggled to draw air into her lungs. This was it. This was the moment when she let another soul in on their secret, and he was a stranger. She closed her eyes, bolstering her bravery before she whispered, “He Changed for the first time when he was one.”

  “Shit,” Cody murmured, covering his face with his hands, then flinging them away. “Rory, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come to me about him? I have a kid, and you left me out of his life completely.”
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  “I meant to tell you,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes at the memory. “I’d bought plane tickets to come back and let you meet him. He’d just turned one, and I was nervous about flying with a baby, but I did all this research and had this plan to come here anyway during winter break. I was still trying to finish college then. But then he Changed, and I knew if you weren’t like him, and you found out, you would put him in danger—tell someone or report him to the police or something. And I didn’t know anything about what was happening to him. I did research, but all the public library had was lore and myth. Nothing concrete that told me how to help my child through this awful thing he was going through.”

  “It isn’t awful.”

  “It is for us! He cries and cries around each Change, and it looks so painful. I listen to my baby’s bones break every month. And when he got bigger and his canines came in, I couldn’t comfort him anymore. He turns wild.” She shoved her arm at him and rolled it over to expose the long scars across her forearm.

  Cody’s fingers were warm and steady as he slid them down the length of the long-healed claw marks. He dropped her arm and stared at his hands as if he hadn’t given them permission to touch her. Her skin turned cold where his warm fingers had been. Confused at the wash of emotion surging through her at his touch, she covered up the scars and huddled into her sweater deeper.

  “What did you do?”

  “I built him a cage. Our lives are consumed by when his next Change will be. It used to only be around the full moon, but now he shows symptoms more often, and I don’t know what to do. I need help.”

  “That’s why you’ve come back?”

  She nodded once.

  “It’s not supposed to be like that,” he rasped out. “He can’t be caged, or his animal will grow aggressive and angry.” Cody cut her a pleading look. “You need him to grow into a man who can control the animal inside of him.”

  Her face crumpled as the moisture that had been rimming her eyes spilled over. Embarrassed, she wiped her lashes and clenched her fists in her lap. “I know. I can see him getting worse, but I have no tools to help him.”

  “Shhh,” Cody hushed her. “Everything will be okay. We’ll figure this out.”

  “Are you mad at me?” she asked. It suddenly mattered if he hated her.

  “Yeah. I have a son, and I missed all of his life until now. That was your choice. I’m mad as hell, but reaming you out isn’t going to fix what’s been done.” A soft rumbling noise rattled from his chest. His eyes were still feral, and though he was trying to be soft with her, his fists were clenched like hers were.

  She’d done this.

  “I think I should go,” he said in a low, gravelly voice. “This is a lot, and I’m confused. If Aaron can’t control his Changes yet, he doesn’t need to be around what’s going on inside of me.” Cody stood and turned at the porch stairs. “Don’t run this time, Rory. I won’t stop until I find you. He’s mine, too.” His eyes were hard as he descended the stairs.

  Rory stood and rushed to the railing. “I’m really sorry.” Her voice was thick with emotion, but hang it. She’d had her reasons for keeping Aaron to herself. She’d wanted to keep him safe, but the hurt look on Cody’s face was heartbreaking.

  “Don’t,” he gritted out. He hesitated by Aaron and squatted down, his powerful legs folding beneath him. “I’ve got some stuff to do, but I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Aaron nodded, his eyes sad and the corners of his little lips turned down as if he expected to never see Cody again. Maybe he wouldn’t. Rory didn’t know. Maybe this was too much and Cody would be the one running this time. She imagined lots of surprised fathers in this situation would do the same.

  “Thanks for the paperclip, buddy.” Cody squeezed Aaron’s frail shoulders with his oversize hand, then stood and left without another glance back at her.

  She’d earned that—his anger.

  Rory had been so focused on keeping Aaron safe she’d never considered that Cody might want to be in his life despite the animal inside of their son. She’d let all the reasons not to tell Cody pile up until it seemed like the only decision a good and protective mother could make.

  But Cody was right. He’d missed all of the baby years because of her need to hide Aaron away. And the consequences of his hurt and anger were on her.

  Rory wouldn’t blame him if he ran.

  She deserved nothing less.

  Chapter Four

  Cody fingered the tiny paperclip Aaron had given him and tried to tune out the droning weatherman on the television above the bar.

  Five fucking years, and she just now came back? And with a kid—his kid. The strawberry-shaped mark on his shoulder blade was the freaking Keller crest. There was no denying Aaron was his.

  He’d been sitting here for two hours trying to wrap his head around the reasons she’d kept Aaron a secret. Human or no, Rory had protective momma bear written all over her. It was clear she’d been trying to keep her boy safe in case Cody wasn’t a shifter like Aaron, but it still stung something fierce to be left out of the kid’s entire life. He’d missed everything. Every milestone. Every late night feeding and scraped knee. First steps, first words, first tooth…

  Her supernatural question at the pizzeria had thrown him hard. Of all the times he’d imagined running into her again, he hadn’t ever fantasized about her asking if he was harboring a damned grizzly in his gut. He would’ve broken that little gem to her gently if she’d have stuck around long enough the first time.

  He’d liked her. More than liked her, but now things were different. He’d changed in the years they’d spent apart and now wanted no part of any kind of relationship with a woman. Taking Shayna out had been a way to get Ma off his back about moving on from the broken bond with Sarah.

  He tilted the bottle and took a long swig. Up to his eyeballs in women problems, and he hadn’t dated a damned one in years.

  A familiar scent hit his nose, and he slid a nonplussed glare at the door where his older brother, Gage, stood. He got his height and blond hair from Ma’s side of the family, but Gage’s coffee dark eyes were all Dad’s. Cody shoved the paperclip deep in his pocket. Maybe if he ignored Gage, his brother would get the hint and shove off. He wasn’t in the mood to talk right now.

  Gage took the bar seat next to him. “Shayna’s worried.”

  “Yeah, I could tell from the thirty-seven calls I’ve ignored from her. Piss off, Gage. I have some shit to sort out.”

  “Yeah, and you also have a forty-eight hour shift starting in the morning, and you’re at a bar drinking by yourself, which I’ve seen you do exactly zero times before now.” He jerked his chin at Cody’s beverage and told the bartender he’d “have one of those.”

  Cody leaned back in the bar chair, growing more irritated by the moment. “What do you want?”

  “That was her, wasn’t it? At the pizzeria. That was Rory.”

  “You want a detective’s badge?”

  “Ma sent me. That’s why I’m here.”

  “You told Ma?” Prick.

  “You can’t blame me for that one. Boone called her before we even left the restaurant. You know, the timing on this sucks.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.”

  “Well then explain it, brother. Because I’ve never seen you get worked up over a woman like this. Not since Sarah. And you finally asked Shayna out—”

  “Hold on, now that’s not fair. Shayna’s been relentless for two years, and you boys weren’t helping. And Ma… Look, I’m not interested in another bond. I don’t get why you don’t understand that. Boone and Dade don’t want a bond, and no one gives them shit over it. But with me, you push and push until I take a girl out I’m not interested in. Even if it was a group thing, I don’t like being forced into a pairing.”

  Gage thanked the bartender when he set the beer in front of him and took a long pull of his drink. “We push you because it’s different for you. You’re the alpha. You should be paired up.
You’re twenty-eight now, Cody. I get that you were burned by Sarah, but fate got you out of that. Fate and Rory. You have a second chance to find someone worth the risk.”

  “It’s different for you, Gage. You found Leah. Your bond has always been healthy. Both of you are devoted. Sometimes it doesn’t work like that.”

  “So you’ll just go your whole life alone. I know you look down on my life. You think I’ve sold out for mating Leah and having cubs—”

  “No, brother,” Cody said with a humorless laugh. He shook his head and drained the beer. “I always envied you and Leah, and the cubs. I love your family. I’ve watched you for years, wishing Sarah had been half the woman Leah was. Even half, and we could’ve worked without her shredding me. It’s not that I don’t want a family. I just never, ever want the bond again.”

  “Is that why you’re torn up about Rory being back?”

  Leaning forward on his elbows against the sticky bar top, Cody sighed. “I can’t have Rory.”

  Gage shrugged his shoulders up to his earlobes with a baffled expression. “Why not? You could have any lady in this town. In this county, if you wanted. I didn’t see a ring on her finger tonight. I know because I looked.”

  “She has a kid, Gage,” Cody blurted out. Gritting his teeth, he closed his eyes and murmured, “She had my kid.”

  “Shit,” Gage murmured.

  “Shit, indeed.”

  “Is he marked?”

  “Yeah. Same place as me even. If you saw him, you wouldn’t question it. He’s mine.”

  “A boy? A son?”

  The word son sounded strangely exciting in a way that confused the piss out of Cody. He frowned down at his beer and nodded his head.

  Gage gripped his shoulder and shook him slowly. “You’re a dad?”

  More fluttering in his stomach. Maybe it was nausea. Dad.

  “Wait, okay.” Gage linked his fingers behind his head and leaned back until he was staring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on his face. “Okay.”

  “You said that already.”

  “Shut up, man. This is blowing my mind right now. What does he look like?”