For the Hope of a Crow Read online

  Oh, he was making sure he didn’t give into her rules about missionary position. He took care of her first, but he was letting her know he was boss here. Dominant man. He thrust into her harder and faster, his abs flexing as he slid his hand down her arm and then gripped her hip, pinning her in place as he fucked her. And that’s what this was. It was fucking. Part of her frowned, but most of her just wanted to get caught up in the moment with him. To see what he was like in the bedroom. Already, she could feel the darkness fading from him. She could breathe easier. God, he was so sexy here, bucking into her smoothly, those pitch-black eyes on her and full of such intensity she couldn’t look away if she tried. She was going to finish again. Already, he was building that same pressure. He felt so good inside of her, and timidly, Vina touched her clit.

  “Fuck yes,” he gritted out. “Keep doing that. I want to watch.”

  So as he pummeled her from the side, her head banging gently against the headboard, their bodies moving together, she touched between her legs. She could feel him sliding in and out of her, and it was the hottest moment she’d ever been a part of. For the rest of her life, she would never forget the sight of Ramsey’s big, powerful body flexing against her. He gripped onto the top of the headboard, and whispered, “Fuck, Vina,” as he sped up. “Tell me who you belong to.”

  “I’m gonna come again,” she whispered.

  “Tell me,” he snarled.

  “No one,” she said.

  Fire flashed in his eyes. Oh, she got it. She wanted him to belong to her too, but he’d already bonded, and giving herself completely to a man who she could never fully possess was terrifying.

  Ramsey pulled out of her, rolled her onto her back, and pulled her hand away from her clit. He slid into her slowly and kissed her neck, up, up, until he reached her lips.

  This wasn’t fucking anymore. It was slow touches, kissing, and a languid pace that said he wasn’t in a rush to finish. It was him taking care of her body.

  His fingers trailed fire down her skin, and his kisses were gentle. He sipped at her lips like he was tasting her, and as minutes drew on, he became more and more gentle. He stroked her face, traced her jawline as he eased her closer and closer to release. And she did the same for him. She kissed and sucked on his skin, ran her knuckles up his whiskers into his hair. When he locked eyes with her, they weren’t black. They were blue, and he looked in awe. He caught her hand and kissed her palm, kissed her wrist, bit it gently, and murmured against the sensitive skin there, “You won’t say it yet, but you know you’re mine.”

  He laid his weight over her like a comfortable blanket and pushed deep inside her, stayed deep, made shallow thrusts right there against her clit, and Vina was completely lost in this man. Nothing in her life had ever been like this. Not as significant. Not as important. Something big was happening between her and Ram. Something she didn’t understand, but that filled her with hope.

  “Ramsey,” she whispered as the first pulse of her orgasm shattered her, “I’m yours.”

  Ram groaned and pushed into her hard, his dick throbbing warmth into her. He gripped the back of her neck and buried his face against her shoulder as he pushed in again and again, filling her with his own release. And when they were done, both spent, he rolled off her, but brought her with him, and he hugged her up tight against his drumming heartbeat.

  They didn’t say anything for a long time. There was no sound but the soft drone of the air conditioner. Ram had the capacity to do great damage. The knife sunk deep into the wall and the trail of blood downstairs said as much. But with her, he’d gone gentle with a touch. He’d gone tender and caring. Loving.

  “I’ve never done that before,” he rumbled at last.

  “Done what?”

  “Been with a girl slow. Paid attention when I was with her. Fell…”

  “What do you mean, fell?”

  Ram swallowed audibly. “I can feel your heartbeat against my chest.”

  Vina pressed her lips to his throat and smiled against his skin . “Me, too.” She pressed her palm over his left peck just to feel the slow thrumming there.

  “I once heard someone say ‘the beating of your heart matters more than the beating of mine.’ I can’t get it out of my head. I think that’s what love is supposed to be like.”

  Stunned, Vina pressed her lips right over his heartbeat. She knew exactly what he meant. “Someday, say it back to me, okay?”

  “Say what?” he asked.

  “Say you’re mine, too.”

  He didn’t say anything, only stroked his fingertips up and down her spine slowly, as if comforting her was the only thing he could give.

  He couldn’t give her words or promises yet, but someday, she hoped he would. She hoped she became important enough. That she became big enough, like he was with her.

  She hoped that someday he would catch up with her. Until then, she had to be patient because Ramsey was full of damage. And though his damage was beautiful to her, for him it was painful, and he had to heal his heart before he could give it to her.

  The beating of your heart matters more than the beating of mine.

  Vina sighed and pressed her hand harder over the bum-bum, bum-bum of his.

  Yeah, that sounded right.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The crow sat on the open windowsill, staring out at the full moon. The creature was almost as wide as the window, even with its wings tucked close to his side.

  The glossy feathers had a blue sheen to them in the moonlight. Ram stared at her without blinking, just like the first night he’d come to her home.

  She’d slept so soundly but woken up to an empty bed. Vina propped the pillow under her cheek and murmured, “Ramsey? Are you okay?”

  He didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t caw.

  He was leaving. The realization hurt in ways she’d never been hurt before. Ramsey had slept with her and bonded to her, but his crow had not. And now that he was Changed, he would hurt them forever by going to Ten.

  “Stay with me,” she pleaded, her eyes prickling with tears. Pick me.

  Three breaths, and Ramsey turned away from her, bunched his body, and then disappeared into the night.

  The crow was punishing the man.

  She wasn’t the type of girl to stick around while a man pined for another. At some point, she had to be enough or it would destroy her, just like Ethan had talked about.

  Five minutes was all she dared to wait in his bed before she got up, tears burning her eyes, and dressed in her jeans and one of Ramsey’s T-shirts since her blouse was in shreds.

  The walk of shame was awful. It was worse because she’d thought sleeping with Ram was bigger than it actually was. She’d been tricked. God, she was a fool.

  Sniffing, she closed Ramsey’s door behind her and made her way downstairs. It was three in the morning, and no one was here except the one person she wished wasn’t.

  Ethan was playing pool by himself with a half-empty bottle of Maker’s Mark near one of the corner pockets. He didn’t look at her as she made her way past. Just lined up for another shot and said, “I told you.”

  She hated him. “Bye, Ethan,” she choked out. The bonus to Ramsey’s crow shitting on their relationship and choosing another was she wouldn’t have to see Ethan ever again.

  “Here,” he said. She turned just in time to catch a set of keys. “There is a truck parked on the side of the building. I’ll have someone pick it up tomorrow. Don’t fuck it up.”

  She lifted the keys. “Thanks, I guess.”

  He didn’t answer, just gave her his back, and went back to shooting pool.

  When the door swung closed behind her, she splayed her legs outside, looked up at the moon, and huffed a sigh.

  How could one day be the best and worst of her life?

  The truck was an old black F150, but there was someone leaning against the driver’s side door. It was the woman from earlier with the dark hair and blond streaks. The one who had told the girls to leav
e.

  “You were supposed to come sooner,” she said.

  “What?” Vina asked, shaking her head in confusion.

  “I mean, you were supposed to get to his crow before Tenlee did. You were late.” She sighed and looked Vina up and down with a slight frown to her dark eyebrows. “You’re not what I expected.”

  “I’m not what anyone expects.”

  “Good.” The woman pushed off the side of the truck. “I gave my heart to a man once who couldn’t give me his in return. I did it out of duty, so I understand the sacrifice. Sometimes it’ll hurt, but that hurt will make you stronger and stronger until nothing can break you. It won’t feel like it at first, but you’re a lucky one.”

  “I don’t understand,” Vina murmured.

  The woman walked away but over her shoulder she said, “Be patient with him.”

  “I’m Vina!” she called.

  “The boys call me Momma Crow.” And then she disappeared around the back corner of the building.

  Okay. Well, that was a weird ending to an already weird night. Be patient with him? With Ramsey? No spank you. She wasn’t chasing some man who wouldn’t choose her back. He’d slept with her and then left to stalk Ten. Another wave of pain washed through her.

  She was used to driving bigger vehicles, so she got home just fine in the giant truck. She couldn’t stop imagining Ram in a tree on Two Claws property, watching Ten’s house where she slept. His focus was on her, while Vina’s heart felt like it was breaking in two.

  Stupid hope.

  Everyone spoke that word like it was a good thing, but it wasn’t. Hope was a bomb disguised as a butterfly, sitting inside a heart, waiting for a misstep that would set it off.

  And the worst part, the very worst part, was that no one expected a butterfly to be lethal. To have the potential to change a person from the inside out, disintegrate layer after layer of their souls until there was nothing recognizable left.

  This was her second time to give hope a chance. She felt so stupid.

  But…she’d been through rejection before, and she knew her limits. She would survive. She would spend a week of nights lying on the shower floor with miniature plastic bottles of wine, crying until her tears ran dry. And then after a while, it would hurt less. Or she would get used to the pain. Or both.

  Maybe she was just one of those people destined to be alone. Maybe that was her fate. Maybe rejection was toughening her up to endure a lonely life.

  Feeling utterly broken, she pulled onto her street, the truck’s headlights making a wide arch to her duplex. Something strange reflected from the tree branches in front that made Vina lurch to a stop. She wiped her eyes and blinked hard, thinking she was imagining the large crow sitting on the bottom branch of the tree.

  “R-Ramsey?” she murmured over the soft sound of the heavy metal playing in the truck.

  She crept forward, parked in the driveway, killed the engine, and got out.

  The white diamond on the crow’s chest was unmistakable. It was Ram.

  “You didn’t go to Ten,” she said to the frozen crow.

  He turned his head and looked at her with his other unblinking eye.

  “Tonight, you didn’t choose her.”

  The crow spread its wings and flew down to the yard where her plastic chair and cooler still sat.

  “Okay then,” she murmured, utterly stunned.

  She made her way through the dirt and weeds and sat down gingerly in the lawn chair. Ramsey didn’t back away from her or tense up. He just looked up at the moon.

  Ramsey was two beings. A crow and a man. Just like she was a woman and a moose. But for him, the man and the animal were completely separate. Two different personalities, two different creatures altogether.

  And she had to win them both.

  And tonight, the King of Crows had chosen a moon-gazing date with her.

  Vina smiled as potent relief washed over her. There was no rejection. He was giving them a chance.

  And there was the butterfly…bomb…butterfly…bomb…in her chest once again. There was that hope.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The Crow watched her. Vina. Pretty name. Pretty girl. He could see why Ramsey’s heart beat fast around her. But he’d already picked…right? He was only supposed to pick one time. It was ingrained in him. One chance. One choice, and he’d picked The Origin. The first squirrel shifter. Tenlee. Tenleeeeeeee. She’d been special, but she didn’t look at him like Vina did.

  This was confusing.

  Vina Fiona Marsh. Ramsey had read her folder. The Crow had read it with him. Ram didn’t realize how present The Crow was all the time. He was the real king. The real Alpha. Ram didn’t exist right now because The Crow didn’t want him to.

  This moment, he wanted to himself. He’d been there when Ramsey had slept with this woman, this shifter, earlier tonight. And he’d felt something strange happening to his human half. It was light. It was an easy moment and one that didn’t belong to creatures of the dark like him.

  Ramsey, for a second, had been happy. Content. At peace.

  This girl was the reason.

  So The Crow had taken Ram’s body, determined to fly to Tenlee and remind Ram of who they’d chosen. To remind him about loyalty, but on the flight, The Crow thought of something that changed everything.

  He and Ram hadn’t chosen Ten.

  Only he had. Ram was just along for the ride. Oh, he had felt every ounce of rejection right along with Ram. Every dodged kiss. Every time she pulled away. Every time she avoided holding his hand, or even looking at him. She’d stayed a squirrel just so she didn’t have to talk to him. And Ram…Ram had been demolished slowly because of The Crow’s choice.

  The one moment of happiness that Ram had in bed with this girl? It had changed everything.

  Maybe a creature of darkness could have both. Shadow and light. Ram would be the shadow and maybe this Vina-girl…maybe she could be the light.

  He watched her fold her long legs as she sat in the plastic chair in the middle of the yard. She was wearing one of Ram’s Harley Davidson T-shirts. He smiled to himself as he remembered Ram ripping her fancy shirt off her. Their bodies did good together. They liked each other.

  He was supposed to remind Ram about being loyal to Tenlee, but he was curious again. He’d watched her before, but he couldn’t figure her out. Dominant and submissive, soft yet tough. He wanted to know everything about her. Sometimes he let Ram be present just a little when he came to see Vina, but not tonight. Tonight, this date with her belonged to him.

  He sat on the ground beside her, head cocked, and looked up at her, waiting.

  “When I was a kid, I didn’t like being different. It took me a long time to get used to being a shifter. I was mad at my dad for making me one. Only boys are supposed to be born shifters, and there I was, a girl. A moose. So rare, we couldn’t even find a Clan. It was just us. I didn’t have much control over my temper when I was a kid, so I was homeschooled through elementary. I was lonely, and that only made me angrier. My parents could see me getting more and more closed off, so one night, when I was ten, my dad took me out into the woods. My mom was human, and she came along, but she stopped at the edge of the trees, set out a blanket, and started reading a book. She had a picnic basket packed, but she wouldn’t let me eat anything.

  “Before that, Changes were a private thing. Me and my dad Changed at different times in the woods right behind our house. I hardly saw his moose. But that night, he told me to Change behind some brush, and when I got up, all shaky on my long legs, body aching from Turning, he was waiting there. And Ram…he was massive. You’ll see my animal someday, and it will change the way you look at me, but my dad? He’s a titan. Massive antlers that two kids could sit on easily. Ten feet tall at the shoulders. Hooves the size of my face.” She put her flattened palm in front of her face to show him how big. “He stood so proudly there in the woods, his thick neck holding those antlers high. I remember thinking he looked like some prehistoric
mammal, just huge. He was three times my size. And that night, he took me all around the woods. Didn’t get frustrated when I was jumping and running around his legs, tripping him up. His moose is the patient type. Slow-moving. Easy-going. Until…” Vina licked her lips and swallowed hard. “I could smell the bear, and it scared me. Dad’s nostrils were twitching so I could tell he could smell him too, but he kept walking down the trail, right toward the scent. I kept hanging back. I wanted to go to my mom where it was safe. It wasn’t fun being in the woods anymore. We were being hunted. I was small. I was the target. Dad was moving so slow, his head swaying from side to side like his enormous body was sore just walking. He wouldn’t be able to outrun a brown bear.”

  Vina stretched her legs out and wrapped her arms around her middle. Her eyes had this faraway look, and The Crow had a strange urge to scoot closer to her. So he did.

  “When the attack came, it hurt. I could hear that animal crashing through the brush, and it was so loud. I ran, but he was on me in seconds. His claws raked right down my back, and the weight of the grizzle buckled my legs. I went down like a sack of rocks. I thought I was dying, it hurt so bad, and then I saw him. My dad. He wasn’t slow anymore. He was as fast as a snake bite. He charged and pushed that bear right off me with his massive antlers. I laid there shocked as I watched him stomp the life out of that predator. I realized in that moment that the bear hadn’t been hunting us at all. My dad had been hunting it. He was showing me what I would be capable of. He was giving me pride in my animal. He was showing me I could protect myself. No fear in his eyes as he killed the thing that had raked its claws against my back. And then he came back over to me, cleaned the blood off my ribs, and then we walked back to my mom.

  “She was crying, but smiling, and I didn’t understand. Later she told me how hard it was for my dad growing up with no moose to show him how to be. He was adopted by boar shifters and had always felt out of place and alone. And she was happy he was figuring out how to be there for me while I learned how to control my animal. We told her about the bear, and then she let us eat from the picnic basket, all breakfast food because we’d been out in the woods all night. And from then on, it was tradition. My mom would pull an all-nighter, waiting for me and my dad to come back from the woods. Always waiting with breakfast. That chip on my shoulder disappeared little by little until I was proud of the animal, proud of being different. And someday, when I have sons, it doesn’t matter what animal they are born with. I’ll be there for them like my parents were for me. I’m going to teach them to be proud of their animals.”